Kathy and Jeff Crisler

Kathy and Jeff Crisler

“Farmers much prefer to discuss the business of the day standing by each other’s trucks than use today’s common means of communications.”

The Dictionary for New Farmers, 1st edition

Most old-time farmers that I know have never tweeted. The closest they get to a tweet is in the morning when the chorus of birdsongs welcome them as they go out to do their chores.

For those of you like myself who are unfamiliar with tweets, tweets are a limited form of on-line text communication that people can send to one another. The company Twitter, created this version of social media around 2006, and today it has millions of users.

Although this is largely unknown, I have it on good authority that tweets originally had their beginning with courier pigeons. These birds were used to pass messages of importance across long distances fairly quickly. It was common that persons with political connections used these simple tweets often, just as it is done today. Crappy messages were prevented by carefully wrapping them in oil cloth. Unfortunately, today there are no such protections.

As is true today, tweet length was also limited to the amount of text that a bird could physically carry. One certainly could not expect a simple pigeon to be able to carry a novel such as War and Peace. There were stories, however, about a monk back in the 1200s that was able to carve a copy of the original Farmer’s Almanac on the head of a pin which a bird was then able to carry. But I digress.

In full disclosure, I have never tweeted. I have certainly tooted my own horn a time or two, but never have I tweeted. Although I must admit I have been accused of being a twit for my liking of Little Debbie snacks, I have never been said to be one of the faithful tweeters or a follower of those who do.

Most old time farmers who I know have never tweeted. Farmers would much rather chat with each other as they discuss the pros and cons of some tractor or the extended weather forecast though the open windows of their trucks on the side of some country road.

But if farmers did tweet, I am certain the twitter platform would be perfect, and since most farmers have a sense of humor, they would be quite worth reading. For examples of what I believe a typical farmer might tweet to another, I offer the following:

.... “I told a sheep joke to my old border collie the other day, but darn it, he herd it before.#doggoneit”

... “Thinking about getting a milk cow, but my wife said it was just udder nonsense.#ain’tnobull”

...“Garden is dry and pigs getting a little stinky, need a little rain.#hogwash”

Of course farmers, like anyone else, can get riled up and maybe, if they allowed our current political climate to affect them, they might text differently. An organic farmer, if challenged, might include in his product line a text like:

...“Contrary to what some say, our tomatoes are purely organic. NO COLLUSION!#ketchuponourfarmnews

Or a farmer accused of allowing his cattle to free range in his neighbor’s garden might tweet:

....“Fake news! We have great border security! Hearing this complaint again is deja moo! WITCHHUNT.”#beefupsecurity

But all things considered, I am glad that most farmers give a pass to tweeting. Most of us would rather eat our hash than tag it.

....”So, don’t expect to follow me on twitter! BFN#weboughtthefarm”

Jeff and Kathy Crisler own a farm in Hocking County where they raise bees, berries and blisters. They are both retired and have two children and six grandchildren. Jeff wrote this column to be published in The Logan Daily News. The views of this column may not necessarily reflect that of the newspaper.

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